Today I will pronounce loudly what I have been carrying inside for some time now. I think I died inside. I don’t know when, but I don’t remember when was the last time I was wishing badly to do something, feeling passionate about something, loving doing something. Instead, I am just overwhelmed with fear and none desire what so ever. I feel that inside there is nothing, is all empty space resonating with my thoughts and talk… and absolutely nothing else.
I see people live, smile with all they heart and I feel envy, because I don’t know the last time I laughed so stress and worry free, so full of life and fun.
On the paper, this personal history sheet and in other people’s eyes, this is impossible, not understandable, invented and unreasonable. No one can understand… and I got tired of explaining something no one what’s to hear and comprehend. Once again, I solely depend on myself and the little strength I have left.